noun /enˈgājmənt/engagements, plural
A formal agreement to get married
The duration of such an agreement
- a good long engagement to give you time to be sure
An arrangement to do something or go somewhere at a fixed time
- a dinner engagement
That’s the definition according to Google. However having lived the concept I find this definition seriously wanting. There are a few things I would like to share with engaged couples that no one ever mentions to you when you are there. To all those that are considering marriage or who are currently, consider the following…
Post matrimony, with not even a few hours of ‘legally wed’ under my belt, I reflected quietly on the last two and a half years of engagement with fresh perspective. There was such a sense of relief. En.gage.ment is now, in my opinion the period of limbo in which a couple, promises to marry each other, yet for the entire duration, they test and push each other, to the very limit of their patience in order to establish boundaries and confirm that they are not absolutely insane in wanting to spend the rest of their lives with the other person. A self-defeating process by any count. Engagement is Limbo. You will fight. There were so many times we fought were we wouldn’t normally have. You will think you are insane. You will break each others hearts regularly. If you can survive this and get to the other side of the matrimony line, you will look back and probably laugh at yourselves for acting like bafoons towards each other on occasion. Perhaps worse than bafoons, psychotic clowns. I remember that most of the time, the only thing that got me through was the fact that deep down, I knew I was testing him, or he knew he was testing me. That we knew we loved each other more than we wanted to test each other got us through the ups and downs. Perhaps, ultimately that was the real point of engagement; but there is no need for the prolonging the process. We can get through anything now.
My advice, when you do one day decide to tie that knot, make sure it’s for the shortest amount of time possible. No one ever mentions this, and in fact having recently given this advice to engaged friends of ours, their eyes shone with recognition and an ‘engaging’ conversation on the topic ensued. I wouldn’t say it is a completely unnecessary process, for most though, if you have done the time to a point where you want to marry that special person in your life, in all likelihood you should get married. Just skip that long engagement if you can. Are you married? Share your pearls below.
All my Love,
Tags: Africa, Cape Town, engaged, engagement, Limbo, matrimony, Muthablogga, wed, wedding, Weddings, Western Cape