Muthablogga

I have been hiding out, and doing a damn fine job of it. Hide and Seek Level: Master.

I have been getting all sorts of queries recently, including but not limited to comments such as, ‘Mutha, are you still alive?’,’ Mutha when will we see your next post?’ etc.  Yes, I am very much alive. Just busy. While nagging children are rarely rewarded, if you  twist my rubber arm enough, eventually I will respond. Fun fact for the day; research shows that if a child asks for something 5 times he is 80% more likely to get what he wants. True story.  I thought I should at the very least grace these pages with some sort of excuse my silent behaviour. I’m not going to lie to you  and say that the non existent dog has been eating my writing homework either. I will tell it like it is, always have, always will.

It all started in Mid November, suddenly it dawned on me that I had just 4 1/2 months to go until my wedding day. Absolutely no one can prepare you for the realisations you will reach going through this supposedly fun and exhilarating time in your life. The amount of contemplation time required to get through it all. The first step was of course to start delegating, making lists, trying to knock one thing off the list per day. I have literally been in planning frenzy mode since then. I am still not done with the to do’s before I say I do, however they are all significantly reduced and I hope to have zero worries left from 1 month before the time. I feel like Cinderella, slaving away for my 1 night at the ball. At first I enjoyed everything, eventually though the days blurred into one stressful experience after another. Weddings I have concluded the epitome of the equilibrium of planning and  financial stress.

Don’t get me wrong I love my fiancé and infact I have found myself falling in love with him again recently, an important part of maintaining a life long term relationship. Arranging a wedding is not for the feint of heart though. This, coupled with the inevitable approach New Year’s eve made me re evaluate everything in my life, what I am doing  vs what I would like to do. I stalled. On everything but work, wedding and family.

On reflection which I cannot yet say I can see from outside the storm, somewhere, in some the dark corners of my mind I have been waiting. Waiting to fulfil the until recently unrecognised need for life long commitment to a special someone. Perhaps deep down because I, like so many others, grew up not knowing the institute of marriage, I still felt it was necessary in order to move forward in life. I had no idea until now that this was even a requirement in my mind.

Despite the stress, there is something else that happens which is never mentioned. There is a clarity and an inner peace, even in the chaos, that I have never felt before. Suddenly my path seems clearer, my goals defined and achievable. I was surprised when after all these years, I finally wrote down with conviction my wildy improbable goals (WIGS as my favorite fairy godmother would say) for not just the rest of 2012, but for the rest of my life. Its not even that long a list. Yet, after I drew it up I sat down, gasping, trying to find oxygen in the air I was breathing. How could I possibly achieve all this with the little time I have left in the world? Have I waited too long? How could I be so off track with my life? How could I possibly  have been so direction-less until now? The questions spun, resounding like drums being beaten by a marching band. On the other hand, could I have conjured this list without everything having happened precisely the way it has? I doubt it. It has all been to bring me to a point where I can choose the path ahead and forge a future I couldn’t have dreamed of just a few short years ago.

What are these goals I hear you say? Ever inquisitive.  I have mentioned this list to a few people who either laughed or thought I am seriously losing my mind. Just remember goals are dreams with a deadline. My deadline started on all of these a while ago.  Here it goes;

• I want to travel to at least 50 countries in my life. You laughed right? Impossible? Wrong, I want to make this a reality. We live in a modern world where travel is more accessible than ever. Surely I can do this? I have never had the opportunity to go very far, which is ridiculous considering I have access to both a British ancestral visa and an American passport if I wanted it. I don’t even think it’s an option, that I am alive and have these options available surely means I should take full advantage and should see as much of the world as I can?
• I will become a successful business owner (not the self employed type, click here if you do not understand the difference), halfway there, on the verge of this, it is so close I can taste it, launching by the end of the month ( I have been promised)! I am so very excited about this! Can’t be more specific at the moment, but lets say that when it launches it will free my time for other things, such as studying, family, writing and a few favourite hobbies and passions like writing this blog, gardening and photography.
• Be involved either on the discovery process, design, sales, promotion, marketing, management team of a company/ business (preferably my own) that designs buildings and/or  objects which are functional, yet synthetically beautiful, have minimal environmental impact in their production process and in the sourcing/production of the raw materials required.
• I would like  to obtain a doctorate level education. ( Considering I have only recently finally decided on a direction of study, this is going to be a difficult one to fulfil). The courses I am aiming to do include, a part time marketing diploma through AAA, a BA in environmental management, then honours, then perhaps a break over to architecture or industrial design, a follow up on the BA with Masters and if there is time a Doctorate. A total study period of over 10 years to goal completion. Is it worth it? Time will tell I guess.
• I am on a mission to discover the full potential of my body and spirit through exercise,  diet and meditation. I have recently become intrigued with how the body works and reacts to everything around it. Having finally quit smoking ( yes, going on 5 months now) I realised how sacred my body is and how the way I treat it effects my mind.  I want my soul’s vessel to reach its fullest potential, for myself, the benefit of my family and longevity.
• I am determined to one day own a plot and have a home constructed on this property that I have designed/assisted in  designing and which operates entirely off the ‘grid’, having enough space to grow food for my family and a purely electric vehicle which charges from solar panels on my homes roof. (This is normally where people laugh and think I am nuts, then again we would be living on a flat planet, with no electricity, or telephone lines if it weren’t for the insane)

Is that so much to ask for or achieve in my lifetime? I mean it fits into a space smaller than your screen. For some people perhaps not, for me, where I am right now is not going to take me in ^this^ direction without drastic action. So what to do, its been on my mind for two full years. Pardon the vulgerness  to follow, but someone famous once said: “You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f**k on.”

So that’s it I have learned as much as I can, where I am and I am moving on. What does that mean for Muthablogga, well, there are many spin-offs to the above outline which involve development in other areas of life, including my writing skills. I will still be posting on occasion, and keeping you up to date on what is happening never forgetting that ultimately this is a personal blog and I’ve decided to  keep it that way.  Progression on my goals, occasionally my hobbies and interests, events I have attended and my favourite spots in the MuthaCity and elsewhere. I won’t have time for more than this, for the foreseeable future . So no more promo’s, no more interviews, no more feature requests, nothing but this Mutha and her city.

Mutha